Home at Last

It may have been because it was late at night and I was already on the verge of losing mental barriers, but when my eyes took in the image of the house, when my mind was quickened by the smells, when my bare feet felt the soft cool wood floor, and when my hands had touched the so familiar walls, I broke.  My body leaned over the back of a gentle couch and my heart swelled as tears rolled down my cheeks.  I was home.

The feeling was so familiar and yet it was as if I hadn't felt it in a long time.  I felt warm, peace and love in this house.  I saw my family in what was left behind.  Now they are far away across the world in a land of more green rolling hills and singing bells that sound out the hour. "The soccer ball out front of course was Emily."  Maybe she played with it during the last few moments of being at home.  So familiar.  

Even now my eyes burn from on coming tears.  "I miss this. I miss this."  My heart aches with the realization I can't see them like when I lived here.  I can't walk into the bonus room and try to get Emily up from her sleep.  I can't lie on the bed and fall asleep while my dad tries to solve a puzzle on the computer.  I can't go into Dan's room at night and chat till the morning hours, and I can't descend to the basement to find my mom working on her artwork while listening to her songs.  I can't watch Will putting his puzzles together.  "My home, I missed you.  I have traveled far to be held again within your walls and feel your warmth.  I know, I wish I didn't have to leave, but I will return."

My heart is quieting and I am relaxing in the chair as I finish my thoughts.  I am going to enjoy today.