Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Crossword

With arms in my lap and hunched over I sit at the table. My mind reels to figure out an answer. The Empress of Russia?

Well, what about the one that goes through it? Amerindian... Wow, so who really knows all of theses answers just off the top of their head. "Let's whip out the cheat book"

Pages flip from crabby, to organic, and to Salem. Another day at it and almost done but not complete.

Here I am ready for anything to begin. So uh, who is hungry?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A New Beginning

A new year and a new beginning. It is true that longings eventually subside when not fulfilled and so they have with me. I have realized that it is I that must make a niche for myself. I have grown up. For so long I have depended on others to shelter me from the worries of the world and the struggles of life, but now I must face them, challenge them, and become who I am supposed to.Day by day I will build my walls until I can stand against any storm.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Don't Forget

It is all too often that we forget what life is about. It is about the simple smiles, the laughs, the tears, the love, and joy of being with loved ones. We get so busy in the things that we deem important, not that they are not important, but we sometimes push what really makes memories aside.

What about the times that lead to uncontrolable laughter or uncontrolable crying. Isn't this what we were created to experience.

Remember the times when all you could do was wrap your arms around and just hold them. Remember the times when you fell asleep talking to each other at night. Remember crying when you had to say goodbye, and remember the joy when you said hello again. Remember the moments that make a life, and continue to build on them.

Don't forget to smile, don't forget to laugh, don't forget to cry, and don't forget to live.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

New York

Oh my gosh!! I am so excited for my mom's art show on March 7, 2009. I love her artwork and love the fact that she likes to ask my opinions on what to paint and how it looks. I really do miss that a lot. I was also often one of her figures she would paint, and I really miss posing in fun poses and beautiful light.It will be so amazing and fun to experience the art life again. (It is always fun to talk metaphorically with a few sloshed people :) ) Not only that but the gallery takes us out for dinner after and the last restaurant had an amazing Indian cuisine. I wonder what it will be this year. My parents are also looking in to seeing a Broadway show! New York is just the best! I have been there about 9 times and love it! It is such a different place, where life is always fast pace and never sleeps. Can you tell I am excited??
Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My Dear Friend

My Dear Friend,

Thank you. I love you. I don't think I could imagine what it would have been like without a friend and companion such as you. We were together for almost 15 years. Your love and loyalty was unmatched.

I remember the first time we brought you home with us. You were so excited and everyone wanted a chance to be with you. I remember taking you on walks with me and thinking how fun it was to have dog. I also remember the times that I would cry and you would come to see what was wrong. You were so gentle and full of love.

I will miss you my friend. Till we meet again.
Sunday, October 19, 2008

It is done

Coming home from Georgia was really hard for me. I held in all that I felt so that all would know that I am happy. Not that I don't love it here in Salt Lake with my husband and life, but all the memories, feelings, and voices fill me when I walk into the home that I have known for ten years. The familiar front steps that I have climbed so many times before are found easily under my feet. I spent many days standing on those steps talking and watching my family around me. Now I climb them after such a long time away and enter a home full of love. Time has passed so quickly and slipped away from me, and I wonder sometimes if I made the most of it. There were days that I would sit on my parents' bed soaking in everything around me because I knew it would end. Oh how the moments when I was able to hold close those that I love so much are cherished. Only for a moment though and then I must return. My mind and heart know how much I miss the smells, laughter, music, voices, and just the time that filled my life when I was younger. Sometimes I wonder why things change, why when things are so happy do they move forward and change. How sweet are the moments I have to grasp what was once reality.As my mother learned from her mother, the archer wishes his arrow to travel as far, as straight, and as true from his bow as he can make it. As the archer, so did my parents wish the same for me. It is up to me now to fulfill what lies ahead as a strong and independent daughter. The arrow sometimes dreams of being carefully tucked away on the archers back staying close to what is familiar, but oh, what beauties he is missing.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


It came so fast, yet not quick enough. All my work, hard or not, has led me to this point, and now I am getting ready for the finish. I remember sitting down in my first class at a University and feeling how different it was from high school. Kids around me sat in pajamas and some in nice clothes. I was just there, pencil in hand, backpack at feet, and staring toward the front of the classroom at the teachers. They milled around the piano and the computer talking and occasionally glancing up at the class through there round glasses. Now, I have been to a dozen of the same kind of classrooms and some different. Some classes were even so different that they were able to bring that frantic feeling to my heart and occasionally make me cry. I remember one class that while in the middle of it I dreaded it. Running down the street past the stadium, up the hill followed by a large staircase, I made my way to a small building. Clambering inside, I quickly take a drink, and then I run up the last staircase to the upper floor. In one of the rooms, we sat around a long rectangulare table. I sat with my back to the wall and facing towards the windows. I had all my books for the class stacked in a semi-neat pile with my notebook and pen ready. In he walked, short, skinny, mangy looking hair, and large glasses. His voice entertained as he told stories of the past history of the country. All was good at the moment, but I was unaware of the great fun I would be having in his office one on one talking about my essay. We were not given our essays back till we met with him. Well, I felt pretty good about what I had written, I mean it was to the point and it took me a long time to write. I plopped down in a seat outside his office waiting for him to finish with the student before me. Soon after, she came out, smiling, bobbing curly blond hair and bright blue eyes. This couldn't be too bad I thought, so I stepped into his office. There he sat at his desk in his grey pants, blue untucked button-up, crazy hair, and wide rimmed glasses. He told me to take a seat and so I did and waited while he dug through the essays looking for mine. It took a little while, but he found it, pulled up a chair, and spun around to look at me. "This isn't brilliant you know." His words that followed drifted over me as I thought about my hard work and effort put into the paper. What did he mean, I was always told by all my teachers through school that my writing was really wonderful. That is what I remembered from that meeting. After that I climbed into my dad's car for the ride home and cried. My dad comforted me and told me that he would help me revise it and turn it in again. We worked on it, and let me just say, I have not met a better writer than my own father. He thinks through everything logically and then is able to place his thoughts on paper in such an eloquent way. I was ready again to meet with this odd teacher. He placed the essay near my hands and said that it was an improvement but it just wasn't great. I ended up getting a B on it. After a long semester I finally finished the class with a B and washed my hands of the experience. The essay meetings (I had two essays to be graded that semester) were the worst experience I have had. I only bring it up now to others when I want tell stories of bad teachers, bad classes, and overall bad experiences. I mean, I wonderful experiences as well. I was able to teach young musicians how to play their instruments. I got an A in my second semester English class. I have finished. My hard work has paid off.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Our Story

The first time I really saw Adam was during a break in rehearsal when I was walking out to my car to fill the parking meter. As I was walking down the steps, I saw him bolt up them beside me, and so I said 'Hey'. But not hearing me and staring straight ahead, he passed by me. My stand partner Evan and I sat right in front of the bass section and would poke fun at them because they were constantly laughing and chatting, and I remember one distinct time looking back at Adam and wondering if he would stop talking. Then, after the Halloween concert, my Aunt Lynn Heinhold, handed me the paper that covered the concert that the phil had just performed, and I saw him again and wondered why the camera man could not have moved the camera a little to the left in order to fit me into the picture. Christmas passed, and when the new semester began, the phil was beginning to have meetings concerning the Austria tour, and on top of that, I made a conscious effort to park my car at the stadium and walk to the music building every rehearsal. I guess I was one of the few that carried a cello back and forth to their car everyday, because it got the attention of Adam. One day I was walking back to my car, and lo and behold, Adam comes right up next to me and begins to chat as we walk along. We easily fell into conversation and from that time on, we would catch each other every time we saw them walking alone. After one meeting about Austria, Adam came up to me and said that he was going to go with his fiancĂ©e but she left him, and at that moment I just had the feeling that I needed to hug him and tell him that I was sorry. We continued to walk and talk with each other, and I would often turn around during rehearsal to chat with him. The day we left for Austria, I was waiting in line for check in and we were all comparing passport pictures. It must have been the time of day, since it was about 5:30 in the morning, but I could have sworn that Adam's name was Chris. After calling out Chris a couple of times, my roommate leaned over and said that his name was Adam. Well, Adam and I ended up sitting next to each other on the way to San Fran. We played games on his phone, and at one point Adam just stared at my eyes. I had no idea what he was doing, but then he said "you have pretty eyes" and added the color blue into the Harry Potter House survey. I was so flattered and impressed and continued to have a fun conversation with Adam even though I was beginning to feel a little motion sick.I followed him around in the airport, ate lunch with him, watched him knock over a glass cup, and offered to watch the bows while he went to visit his brother. Once we were in Austria, I sat in the seat right across from him on the bus, and while everyone slept, I watched them and even Adam sleep (with his hat down over his eyes, arms folded, and mouth closed). When we reached a town in Germany, all of us exited the bus and split up into groups for lunch. I tagged along with Adam, and a few of my friends, and once we decided where we wanted to eat, I sat down next to him at the table. He helped me to order and then while waiting for the food we all just chatted; however, when the food arrived, I was not at all taken with my selection and so offered it to people. Adam took me up on the offer, and I ate half of a roll from a friend. After our lunch break, standing out in the cold, and listening to the bells chime, we all went back to the bus to sleep some more :) That night, after arriving in Salzburg, a group of us decided to go walking along the water front. We left the hotel and made our way down through the city, and I remember Adam walking along side of me singing one of the jazz songs that the phil was playing. I laughed and jokingly begged him to stop because it was rather a strange song. The group of us came across a bridge that had a beautiful view of a cathedral on the hill, and so Adam asked me to take a picture of him with the cathedral. I took his camera and tried to take the silly picture four times, and each time I failed at it. He then took his camera and gave it to someone else to take the picture, and I felt a little stupid. When we got back to the hotel, I was not tired and so suggested that we play cards in the restaurant downstairs. We all gathered together and started a tradition of meeting before bed to play cards. The next morning, I woke up and went downstairs for breakfast. I sat at the table with Adam and offered to take the group camera to take pictures, a very wise and fun choice I might add. That day, I took pictures of everything and everyone, but when we tried to gather together for a group picture, the camera ran out of batteries. I had extras in my purse and so when the group disbanded I took the camera from Cindy, and proceeded to open it. The next thing I know, Adam has come up beside me, has taken the camera from my hands, and begins to place the new batteries in. Once that was accomplished he told me that I needed to be in some of the pictures and so held it in front of us and took that picture (the one with the boot earrings :) ). He and I then tried to catch up with the rest of the group, taking a few more pictures on the way. At lunch, I joined my friends at their table and ended up sitting next to Adam, and I enjoyed his company and conversation. That night, we had to travel to a little town just outside of Salzburg, and at dinner I again sat at the table that he sat at. The next day, I followed a group (which included Adam) into the Mozart Museum, and then to the music store down the street. While in the music store, I wrote a postcard to my brother Dan on a mission in Sweden, and as I sat on the counter writing, Adam pulled himself up next to me and we chatted.Later that day, the entire group got together to have lunch in an Italian restaurant, and Adam held my things as I slid into the seat. His manners impressed me so much, and I was beginning to like him. After lunch, some of us decided to go check out a cathedral that was rumored to be beautiful, but others wanted to go buy some CDs from one of the local stores. The group split, and I went to the cathedral with Richard, and a few others and Adam went to the store. As I walked around inside my eyes fell on the door that was opening, and then Adam walks in. My first thought was that he wanted to be in the same group as myself. The two of us went into the catacombs beneath the cathedral and looked around. I remember walking towards him and noticing a bowel on the way. I was not sure if it had water in it, and so I blew into it. Adam then called out to me and said that he had done the same thing :).Our group reunited in the CD store and once purchases were done there, we decided to make it back to the hotel. On the way there Kristine and I stepped into a small shop and bought lace, and the next thing I know, Adam has walked in to make sure we knew where the rest of the group was. After we returned to our hotel, we all met in the lounge and played cards, and I sat next to Adam on the couch. While we played cards, he would tap me on my shoulder to tell me when it was my turn, and then he told me that he liked my (boot) earrings. At the dinner table I did not sit next to him, but I was able to join in on his conversations. Once dinner was done, I asked him if I could borrow his phone so that I could talk to my family; I ended up spending 14 min = 14 dollars (I owed him) on the phone with my family. The next day, we had the usual routine of sitting as a group at the breakfast table, and at the conclusion of the meal, we made our way to another museum of Mozart. At some point through the tour, we came to a room that was devoted to teaching the guests of the museum how to dance. I tried to line myself up with my good friend Adam, but instead was replaced by someone else in the group. I did dance, however, with another good friend of mine, Daniel. We walked around the museum, and we all chatted. When we came to a shooting booth, all of us watched as Adam and Yan competed to see who had the best aim, and to say the least, I was excited and very happy when Adam won the competition. It was also fun to walk into another room that had a dome ceiling and have him say, “stay here” and then run to the other side and whisper so that we could hear him. In the very last room, there was a book where we could sign our names, and so after Adam signed his name, I signed mine just below.That was our last day in Salzburg, and our last night for playing cards in the lounge. I returned to my room early that evening and climbed into my nightie, and then realizing that my roommate was still downstairs playing cards, I went back to the lounge. The first thing that I heard was, “I like your pajama bottoms,” and I looked up to see Adam smiling at me from the table. (My heart did a leap inside me). Once I had said what I needed to my roommate, I left to go upstairs.When morning came, I was not very happy because my roommate had come back into the room at 2:30 in the morning and we had to get up early to travel to Graz. I found my seat on the bus and was determined not to sleep, lest I would miss all the sites outside the windows. During the trip along windy roads on an empty stomach, the rest of the bus played cops and mobsters; I joined in on a round and then got so sick that I had to sit down and concentrate on not tossing my cookies. Even though I did not want to sleep, I decided it was worth it and so closed my eyes. They opened a little later as I felt someone sit down in the seat next to me, and at that time, I found myself looking down the aisle at the people walking down the bus. Before my mind could click and process anything, a face stared at me and a voice said, “Sorry for waking you up.” It was Adam. I nodded and smiled at him and then I tried desperately to fall asleep again. How thankful I was when the bus finally pulled into Graz, and I climbed out for fresh cool air. Finding the normal group, I went with them to find food, and after a little searching we found a nice little Italian restaurant. After eating, chatting, and making sure that we all drank our water (each little glass was a dollar) we returned to the main square for a tour, and so our guide took us around the city’s center, as Adam and I followed right behind him asking him questions. We were all relieved when our tour took us into an armory where we could thaw and relax; when the tour finished there, I saw the knight figurines and remarked to whomever was right there with me that I collect knights which represent old boyfriends. Apparently my dear Adam has never forgotten :)That evening we dressed for our concert and loaded the bus for the short travel there. The lower strings so far had some trouble finding rock-stops, and when someone asked for one, I offered that they use the strap on their case. Adam replied, “I don’t want to do that, I like to take care of my things.” Well, that struck me the wrong way and so I tried to avoid him in some places. I could not help but watch him as he began to juggle balls that we had found in the school we were performing in. The concert at that high school was one of my favorite concerts that we played in Austria. When we had finished, the entire phil was invited to have dinner with the mayor of the little town, which meant that we could get free drinks. I again followed my group to a table in the first room and sat down near the far wall, but unfortunately, I was right in the middle of an uncomfortable conversation and tried to join the one at the other end of the table with Adam. My efforts did not get me anywhere, but thankfully, the conversation died away. Back at the hotel, we all gathered together to have a surprise birthday party for Richard, and I reserved a seat by the boy I liked. The evening began with a game of cards, and I felt very comfortable there at the table next to the one who was shuffling and dealing. Knowing that we all had to get up early the next morning we all retired and I walked with Adam and Richard out of the room. The next day came, and once I was ready I went down to the restaurant to have breakfast. As I approached the group table I got a “Good morning, how are you?” from Adam, and at the same I noticed that there was no room for me. After a response, I joined my roommate at a two person table and began eating my yogurt. Looking over my shoulder constantly, I noticed that someone had left the other table, and so I stood up to join them, well actually, to join Adam. So there I was chatting and eating next to him and enjoying his company once again.Later that day, we all boarded the bus to head towards Vienna, but I do not remember much of the ride there. We did stop in Einstadt to visit a castle and stretch our legs. The first place we saw though was the inside of a warm restaurant, and of course, I ordered something that was not my favorite. Again, I looked down to the end of the table where he sat and tried to listen and watch the best I could and perhaps get a little attention. After another disappointing lunch, we walked down the tiny main street looking into all the stores. Our little group walked down to a statue and I sat on the bench with a few other guys while Adam took our picture. To my great joy, we stepped into an ice-cream parlor and ordered some of the best ice-cream I have had. Yum lunch. I left behind the group and went walking down the street on my own trying to take in everything around me. The phil was to meet back up at the yellow castle for a tour of its interior after our lunch break. As we moved from halls to rooms and paintings to objects, I followed Adam trying to stay by his side, and he in turn would sometimes lead me around with a touch on my shoulder. That simple and gentle act meant so much to me and still does. One of the last stops of the tour through that castle was concert hall, and once we were inside, the guide told us to sit down in the seats. Even though I left a seat open next to me, Adam did not place himself in it. At the end of the tour I decided to buy myself a knight and a postcard from the gift shop, which later became even more important to me. When the tour was finished we made it back to the bus and continued our journey to Vienna. Conversations sprang up at the back of the bus, and we began talking about family. I listened to everyone and put in my two cents in return. I do remember listening to Adam talk about his family, and it struck me that our families were so similar in certain ways. The bus ride went by really fast and before we knew it, we were at the old large cemetery just outside of the city.I was not excited to exit the bus, being it was especially cold that day, but I knew I could not stay. Tucking my scarf into my coat, I followed my friends off the bus and down the paths. Once we reached the graves of the famous composers, Adam and I walked around together, and he took pictures of me at the grave stones. Vienna was not a long drive from the cemetery and when we arrived, dinner was waiting. Being college students, we still had energy after dinner and decided to go walk around just a little. I grabbed the camera and followed a small group around the small streets, and even though the stores were closed, we were still able to find fun things to do. For example, our eyes fell on a tiny smart car, and the boys, Adam being one, decided to try and to pick it up. So, the girls were set out to see if anyone was coming down the streets while they proceeded to grab the front of the car and lift, and yes, I did get a picture. Back at the hotel, we all went to our rooms and climbed into comfortable clothes so we could play cards in the restaurant downstairs. Cards lasted for a few hours, and when some of us got tired, we decided to go to bed. I walked with Adam and talking with him to the elevators, and when we got to our floor, he turned to me and said a very heart warming ‘goodnight.’ Of course I went to bed with a smile and excited for the next day. After flooding the bathroom, I made it downstairs for breakfast, and when breakfast was over, we went site seeing. We were all very happy to remain inside the bus and just peer through the windows at the passing buildings. The bus then dropped us off in the main center of shopping in order for us to grab some lunch, and our guide took us to a fun cafeteria with lots of good food. After buying my food and sitting down, I waited for everyone, but realized that Adam was not there. Instead of moving however, I just ate and talked with those around me. At the end of my meal, I got up grabbed a paper crown, and with it on my head, I went looking for Adam. I found him sitting with some other girls in the group, but when he saw me he said, “Hey, how are you?” When I sat down, the conversation quickly bounced between the two of us, and we ended up leaving the table together.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Mini-golf Fun

Well, here we are in St. George at a fun little family park. It was definite relief time from being in the presence of the army band... We started off the evening here on the miniature golf course, and it was just fun to have fun!! After the mini-golf, we went into the batting cages, and then to the go-karts. I think my favorite of all was the mini-golf. And of course Adam's was the go-karts
Wednesday, April 30, 2008

My Madadam

I never knew just how much love would run through me for one person. How can one heart be so full and still remain beating with an ever stronger rhythm and pulse? He gives me strength and support to continue with dreams and wishes that I have held for so long. Constantly speaking words of love and endearment to me. Can I ask, how does one person deserve so much, so much happiness in one lifetime? It continues though, our life together. We move side by side in seperate yet overlapping and linked spheres. I can say, that I have found a soul mate.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The Blogger

So, after viewing many of my cousins' cute blogs, I was embarrased to show my aunt my little boring blog... I need music, I need more pictures, and I need more information.

I had the idea that my blog would be my thought center, where I would write what I had been thinking about for a while. I would share feelings and experiences that others would enjoy and could possibly relate to. I still want to do this even if I am the only one reading said post.